Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
