If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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