you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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