they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
