i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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