ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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