I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize
