Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
