dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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