ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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