You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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