Michael Bay diarrhea
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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