she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
they need to just BURY HIM!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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