there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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