sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
