It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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