I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
