his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize