How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
whose parrot is this?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
