That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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