White coat. Heels.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
