i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
