it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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