Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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