We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
