took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
