I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am in a vortex of obligation.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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