Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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