We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
