Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Vodka?
Forever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
