why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He? As in you personified your dick?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
