she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
