I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize