I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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