The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
