if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
