OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
