Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
