just tell him i said nine months
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
