Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
