Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
