so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
