Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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