I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
