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I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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