your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
