yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
