I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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