..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
