would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
