I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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