Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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