if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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