There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
