Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
