Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
