I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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