do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
