Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
