we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
