My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need to calm my uterus...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
