How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
