ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
