Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
