So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
