did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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