So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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