It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
