Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
