just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
