think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize