told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
