Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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