i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
