She said her name was "party"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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