ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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