so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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