my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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