I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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