I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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