I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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