On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Boobs speak an international language.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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