I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
