Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
